The path less trodden, always.

It’s 8.30pm. The last day of 2008.

I don’t have as much to say as I’d love to. But I know that this year ahead, this life ahead is secure in my Lord, the author and finisher of my faith.
With the author of life and history authoring my very own life and history, what do I have to fear? My story will be one that is secured in Him, what an adventure it’ll be! Here I am, use me as You would, so that Your name may be glorified.

Here’s to giving my best in depending on Your strength.
Here we go.

ps: Below’s something I did on the spur of the moment. Hmmm…

=)

One of the cakes at Grandma/Aunt’s place on Christmas Eve. Su has the better picture, w/o the cover, will get it from her.

 WY! The new, redecorated tree!

I was actually intending to post a long entry. But I’ve decided against it. Too tired now anyway.
I’m looking forward to tomorrow, solitude with Daddy again =) Where will we go? =)

On another note: Driving on the expressway is scary. Ice skating is scary, but fun. Driving is not fun. It’s always scary, especially when I’m responsible for the lives of others in the car.

Found the song I was looking for! And the lyrics!~~~ More to come, after I’ve found them.

竭诚献上

*如果机会只有一次 我要如何拥抱
 如果生命只有一回 我将如何奔跑
 哦主！让我趁着还有今天
 哦主！让我为祢燃烧

假如时间绝不留情 我该如何珍惜
假如风光不能久留 任我奋力辛劳
哦主！让我看清 数算代价
哦主！我愿任祢陶造

*献我的灵为祢焚烧 我的心被祢融化
 我的手 我的脚 全顺服引导
 献我的口为祢高唱 我的盼(爱)宁静等待 竭诚为主一生摆上

我的眼睛已经看到祂将临到 祂的怒气必诚实如海浪惊涛
我的耳朵已听见祂亲切呼唤 邀请我与祂携手今朝 一同开创未来

The hiatus is over. That the 2nd half would only take one day. Actually, one night of deep sleep with the help of an air purifier my students got for me. Last night’s sleep led to this morning’s epiphany. Now I know what I need to do. Now I know what’s wrong.

I was supposed to begin the 1week internet fast yesterday. But I’m bailing out of it. Bailing out of some other ‘fasts’ too. Because some things really need to be addressed and I’ve been sitting down for too long.

On another note, my psp kicks with all the new fw’s themes  

A few weeks ago  

This day marks a new beginning. 

A new beginning for me.

A new beginning for us.

=)

Hiatus is not over yet, but I guess I’m in the 2nd 1/2 of it. I’m sorta 容光焕发 now =) It’s a wonder that came out of the malady. 
2am has a whole lotta meaning now. Ha. 

I’m going on a hiatus. It’s a very necessary one at this point of time. 

As a result the photos will have to wait. Any work on ‘Bean’ will have to stop for now. And all other stuff.

Refocusing now. Will be back when I’m back. 

Today was a great day! Heh hehhhh!

I’ll let some of the pictures do the talking, once I’ve compiled all of them from various sources :p

Anyways, here’s another announcement…. After much discussion with Daddy… ‘The PG Diaries’ has been put on hold. It’s very difficult to follow through with the project. I’ll try to explain why. 

The purpose of this blog (it’s somewhere in an early entry, I’ll have to search), was mainly to let peers and acquaintances get to know me better. One of the main goals is also to edify readers of the blog. If I were to go ahead with ‘The PG Diaries’, it’d be very difficult to do so with the current presentation style I have in mind. Mostly it’ll still be very incoherant and and the bulk of it would be fictional. Not that fiction is bad, but … another medium, presentation style would be more suitable.

Hence, for now I’ll be working more on ‘Bean’. I haven’t thought of a title yet, but the working title as of now is ‘Bean’. It’ll be in a presentation style that I’m more familiar with, and I think the message would be more easily brought across. As of now, I’m still gathering material for this work. If you know me well enough, you’ll know my thoughts are jumbled up. So I figured it’d be better if I could compile the message/s into chapters or themes. I really enjoyed myself today, finally finding a haven where I can think and write. =)

I’m still not sure if I should purchase a tablet yet, for the purposes of this work. But I’m happy because I know I’m getting on to something =) 

It’s great when you’re looking forward to the tasks that you have to complete the next day. I’m back to that groove again. 

And that ends this entry. (Pictures in a few days time, when I get them). 

Bean was a nickname given to me by a late friend. This post is written in loving memory of Qinghui.

It was 13 years ago, during the first few days of school when I got to know QH. I actually gave the nickname ‘Bean’ to another classmate, but somehow ended up getting the nickname myself. QH addressed me as Bean most of the time ever since. We were quite close during those secondary school years, had similar interests; basketball, manga, video games, dragon ball etc.

If you thought I was going to write more about a dear friend… no… that’ll be in a future entry.

The last time I met QH was at Tampines MRT. I figure I was in polytechnic; he was in his TPJC uniform with Elaine. The last time I heard of him was during NS. I was newly posted to a unit after BMT. I met Jackson, another close secondary school friend of ours in the camp’s canteen. He told me of QH’s passing. I had only known him for about 7 years, spent 4 years with him. Did I regret anything? Well I think I did the best as I could. I only regret that I wasn’t that close to God at that point in time, that I didn’t know yet what His purpose in my life was. Hence I did not yet have the burden to share about our Lord to QH.

Here’s where I finally get to the start of this entry. My current MSN nick partially reads: "Bean, I’m coming back to get you. I promise"; I’m going back to the past to find myself. Back to the time of childlike innocence. And for that the Looking-glass concept will be used as a device to get there. I sometimes like to use one of my favourite fairytales, Alice in Wonderland, as an allegorical reference while ruminating. There are a lot of lost selves that are in need of searching in this reflection. Some to stay, some to give the boot. But yet, all me. Contradictory, but true. I need to meet them one by one with the guidance of the Spirit.

What then will I say when I meet them? Will I have the courage and ability to rebuke the mad hatter, will he instead tell me "we’re all mad here" ; So I might as well join his tea party? No! No, I know I can’t join in that revelry. Was lost, but no longer am. I’m found. Will I join in their never-ending swim in the pool of tears? No! I need to get out of the cycle. Christ’s blood will save me. No never-ending swim, but an unending hymn I yearn to sing.

Wake me up! O’ Saviour.
Wake me up from this slumber.

No pack of cards,
Nor rustle of leaves,

Can rouse me,
except for your blood

O’ precious blood
t’was shed for me

How prized thou art
How great thou art

How amazing thy grace
How wretched I am.

What will I say. What should I say, Abba? Today mum wanted me to tell her something. But I refused to share beyond the surface. The matter wasn’t anything bad at all that caused me to be reluctant, yet I refused to tell her about it. Why is the truth, though nothing bad, so hard to share at times? Perhaps in some circumstances, courage is needed? hmm…

What will I say. Too many things I want to say, but not sure if I should. Is "’Mum’s the word", just like Thompson & Thomson’s mantra goes? Lead me, oh Lord! But 谈何容易！ There are so many things that I wish to comment ‘成何体统！’. But I don’t. I suck it up and deal with it myself. And then I try to imagine all the conspiracy theories in the world. Ha! Oh Lord, teach me to be content; to know that this is Your work, and not mine.

I know I’m not to focus on what I don’t have, but rather what I have; what Daddy has already blessed me with. And work on using those things wisely. 

I need to start 闭关修炼-ing again. To listen to the Master’s voice and His teachings. All the Lost Beans in my life need to saved. I can’t assume that there’s always tomorrow; the Beans that need to be saved and nurtured may not live 7 or 5 years. The weeds must be removed from the root.

So here I go.

Daddy said, "Make some music."

Music, that is something rather distant. I don’t know if I ever gave my best whenever I practiced on the piano or guitar. That is also translated into other areas of life too. What if I gave my best? What if I made an effort, depending on Dad’s empowerment to remove the impedances? 

What if I made a conscious effort to be mindful that I can glorify His Name in all my ways? To stop doing the things that displease Him? Oh Lord, will the paths really be straight? May you forgive me for my lack of faith, and strenghten me, in You. Amen.

What if there were no more what ifs? 

The camp is over. I don’t feel like it’s the end of everything, but rather it leads to a series of new beginnings. I won’t go into details yet, I haven’t fully digested what transpired in the past few days yet.

But I’m really happy. I see joy being restored. I see self being restored. How amazing it is to be able to witness God doing His restoration work. The part I really am thankful and rejoicing for is that I am able to see and comprehend it. 

I’m sensing that this is the end of a phase/lesson that God has brought me through. I really wonder what’s to be learnt in the next phase.

Father, you said that it’d happen really soon. Even sooner then I could ever imagine. You have already blessed and amazed me more than I could ever imagine. How much more, how much more would you clothe and bless me? Oh Lord, I’m amazed by You. How much more, how much more!

 28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. 

 Matt 6:25-34