The path less trodden, always.

Yes yes, an announcement. I shall be taking an indefinite break from blogging. The following verses from the 3rd chapter of the book of Colossians shall be here each time you peruse the blog. I pray that this will serve as an encouragement and reminder. But before I go, do I need to explain the reasons for the break? I don’t quite know actually. It’s just something I know I need to do. Perhaps it’s for the sake of 取材. Material gathering, just like mangakas do every now and then.

CNY was great I guess. God has reminded me of His blessings, reminded me of my heritage, where I got certain traits and interests from, and been amazing in manifesting His hand in the past weeks. And now I guess I’m ready to go on a journey. The Journey. Where will I end up? Where will we end up? God knows.

Do pray for me as I partake of this journey. Recall the Vi5a ad of yesteryear…”My brother is going on a journey today“. But don’t pray for good fortune. Pray for safety, for patience, and everything that exemplifies a disciple of our Lord. Please… Thank you.

The Book of Colossians, Chapter 3

Rules for Holy Living

1Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is your[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
5Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.[b] 7You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. 11Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.

12Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Rules for Christian Households

18Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

20Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

21Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

22Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. 23Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. 25Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for his wrong, and there is no favoritism.

There are so many things I’d like to do right now. So many things I’d like to start learning, practicing. But somehow I just can’t get started.

I want to chase the wind just like old times, make music like it’s supposed to be made, and soar the way I’m intended to soar!

But why? Why do I seek all these? I pray that it’s only for Your glory. That Your glory may shine forth through all these. I want to be used in those areas for You.

I know the following can be confusing, but the time’s not ripe for me to explain. Daddy said, “Stop searching and you will receive what you are looking for; give it up and you will receive it”.

If there’s one thing you must know about me… it’s that assumptions will be the death of me.

I hate making assumptions, and I dislike people making assumptions. Obviously clarification is the way to go, but in some circumstances it’s hard to do so, isn’t it? -sigh-

I don’t like using preogatives as an excuse. I will put my pride down if it means that the Lord, my God shall be glorified through such situations. 

To summarize this entry, here’s a mish-mash of lyrics. Don’t take the order of the lyrics, or the lyrics themselves too literally. It’s… abit cryptic as usual.

You’re not the boss of me now,
I don’t really care,
It’s my prerogative,
Don’t look back in anger, I heard you say,
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be so hard,
I just want to say hello again,
But I don’t know how…. 

I guess Suffolk & the Kitchen would have to wait, lol. I don’t know how they would come to pass in the near future.

In other news, today was a great day.

It’s 2.09am and I just reached home
I just played long hours of basketball and had a long talk with a close friend. It’s been ages since I was able to keep up with this pace, and duration of playing ball. Phew, finally my fitness capacity is back to an ‘acceptable’ level. I seem to have gotten back a bit of the fadeaway shot that I used to be quite adept at… 12 years ago? Time flies. Back then I used the fadeaway because my repertoire of moves was meagre, and my knowledge of the game was little.

Earlier on I was at the library doing research. I was enjoying the research. This research is for ‘Bean’, which I hope to put forth via an online-digital medium. I’ve lost touch with web design for almost 6 years already. Ah, those were the days… but… yeah I need to find a webh0st soon too. Stay tuned for more on this project.

How would I describe now? As in the general state of things? It feels as though I have an unrestricted access to Daddy’s Grace now. One by one the impedances are removed. It’s like I’m better able to perform tasks and improve on the gifts and abilities I’ve been blessed with. In other words, I’m growing, less unhindered. Clarity, in a sense. 

Oh, back at the CC, we were still balling when the lights were off. At one point in time, I don’t know why I looked up at the third floor. I could sense a ‘disturbance in the force’, if I can put it that way. It’s been quite some time since I’ve sensed such stuff. I might have some inkling as to the reason behind the ‘disturbance’, but I cannot divulge it now.

Seeing is believing, isn’t it? Why do I believe in something, I can’t see? What I mean is, I can’t see the stuff with my physical sight. Here I’m referring to two different things.
1) The ‘disturbance’.
2) Things that I think Daddy is saying to me.

I won’t delve too deep into the topic today. But really, I pray that I don’t see with human sight, or try to understand things based on human understanding. To clarify and not confuse readers, no, I’m not talking about a third eye. I know I shouldn’t leave my readers hanging with weird concepts(?), I do hope to explain them either thru this blog, or in person some day. But now’s not the time, I document these thoughts and happenings for the very purpose of facilitating my train of thought.

Oh Lord, by Your unending grace, may You enable me to have faith in the ‘unseen’ that You tell me of. That my hope & joy may be found in You. Amen. 

*ps: unseen refers to what Daddy has told me about that is happening or will happen, but me lacking the faith to trust in Him. 

I’m going on a hiatus. It’s a very necessary one at this point of time. 

As a result the photos will have to wait. Any work on ‘Bean’ will have to stop for now. And all other stuff.

Refocusing now. Will be back when I’m back. 

Bean was a nickname given to me by a late friend. This post is written in loving memory of Qinghui.

It was 13 years ago, during the first few days of school when I got to know QH. I actually gave the nickname ‘Bean’ to another classmate, but somehow ended up getting the nickname myself. QH addressed me as Bean most of the time ever since. We were quite close during those secondary school years, had similar interests; basketball, manga, video games, dragon ball etc.

If you thought I was going to write more about a dear friend… no… that’ll be in a future entry.

The last time I met QH was at Tampines MRT. I figure I was in polytechnic; he was in his TPJC uniform with Elaine. The last time I heard of him was during NS. I was newly posted to a unit after BMT. I met Jackson, another close secondary school friend of ours in the camp’s canteen. He told me of QH’s passing. I had only known him for about 7 years, spent 4 years with him. Did I regret anything? Well I think I did the best as I could. I only regret that I wasn’t that close to God at that point in time, that I didn’t know yet what His purpose in my life was. Hence I did not yet have the burden to share about our Lord to QH.

Here’s where I finally get to the start of this entry. My current MSN nick partially reads: "Bean, I’m coming back to get you. I promise"; I’m going back to the past to find myself. Back to the time of childlike innocence. And for that the Looking-glass concept will be used as a device to get there. I sometimes like to use one of my favourite fairytales, Alice in Wonderland, as an allegorical reference while ruminating. There are a lot of lost selves that are in need of searching in this reflection. Some to stay, some to give the boot. But yet, all me. Contradictory, but true. I need to meet them one by one with the guidance of the Spirit.

What then will I say when I meet them? Will I have the courage and ability to rebuke the mad hatter, will he instead tell me "we’re all mad here" ; So I might as well join his tea party? No! No, I know I can’t join in that revelry. Was lost, but no longer am. I’m found. Will I join in their never-ending swim in the pool of tears? No! I need to get out of the cycle. Christ’s blood will save me. No never-ending swim, but an unending hymn I yearn to sing.

Wake me up! O’ Saviour.
Wake me up from this slumber.

No pack of cards,
Nor rustle of leaves,

Can rouse me,
except for your blood

O’ precious blood
t’was shed for me

How prized thou art
How great thou art

How amazing thy grace
How wretched I am.

What will I say. What should I say, Abba? Today mum wanted me to tell her something. But I refused to share beyond the surface. The matter wasn’t anything bad at all that caused me to be reluctant, yet I refused to tell her about it. Why is the truth, though nothing bad, so hard to share at times? Perhaps in some circumstances, courage is needed? hmm…

What will I say. Too many things I want to say, but not sure if I should. Is "’Mum’s the word", just like Thompson & Thomson’s mantra goes? Lead me, oh Lord! But 谈何容易！ There are so many things that I wish to comment ‘成何体统！’. But I don’t. I suck it up and deal with it myself. And then I try to imagine all the conspiracy theories in the world. Ha! Oh Lord, teach me to be content; to know that this is Your work, and not mine.

I know I’m not to focus on what I don’t have, but rather what I have; what Daddy has already blessed me with. And work on using those things wisely. 

I need to start 闭关修炼-ing again. To listen to the Master’s voice and His teachings. All the Lost Beans in my life need to saved. I can’t assume that there’s always tomorrow; the Beans that need to be saved and nurtured may not live 7 or 5 years. The weeds must be removed from the root.

So here I go.

Daddy said, "Make some music."

Music, that is something rather distant. I don’t know if I ever gave my best whenever I practiced on the piano or guitar. That is also translated into other areas of life too. What if I gave my best? What if I made an effort, depending on Dad’s empowerment to remove the impedances? 

What if I made a conscious effort to be mindful that I can glorify His Name in all my ways? To stop doing the things that displease Him? Oh Lord, will the paths really be straight? May you forgive me for my lack of faith, and strenghten me, in You. Amen.

What if there were no more what ifs? 

The camp is over. I don’t feel like it’s the end of everything, but rather it leads to a series of new beginnings. I won’t go into details yet, I haven’t fully digested what transpired in the past few days yet.

But I’m really happy. I see joy being restored. I see self being restored. How amazing it is to be able to witness God doing His restoration work. The part I really am thankful and rejoicing for is that I am able to see and comprehend it. 

I’m sensing that this is the end of a phase/lesson that God has brought me through. I really wonder what’s to be learnt in the next phase.

Father, you said that it’d happen really soon. Even sooner then I could ever imagine. You have already blessed and amazed me more than I could ever imagine. How much more, how much more would you clothe and bless me? Oh Lord, I’m amazed by You. How much more, how much more!

 28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. 

 Matt 6:25-34

With Christ in the vessel, we can smile at the storm, smile at the storm, smile at the storm
With Christ in the vessel, we can smile at the storm as we go sailing home

Sailing, sailing home, sailing, sailing home
With Christ in the vessel, we can smile at the storm as we go sailing home!

Some of the young’uns sang this song earlier this week. The lyrics caught my ear and I went to google it. I think I must have sung it before when I was really really young, probably at the age of 3. What amazing lyrics they are, to be as a reminder.

Smile at the storm. Imagine that. Amazing!

I need to be able to exude joy again. I can’t go around with a defeatist look on my face all day. The battle has been won. If I were to carry on like this, I’d be saying that Jesus died on the cross for nothing. But the opposite is true. Christ is victorious and I’m victorious together with Him. Remember. Remember this. Drill into my head, heart, soul.

Ok gtg bye. :p 

If you were expecting the 1st post of The PG Diaries, well… I apologize. I’m still awaiting until I’ve confirmed that The Editor has approved of it; and the direction, style, that this work should take.

I’ll talk about today’s events instead.

I’m very thankful for Aaron today. Today was absolutely amazing. I was able to have the faith to loosen the reins and just let it flow, and hoho… I can’t even put it in words. There was a minor thing that I was a tiny bit irked at, but I knew that I wasn’t supposed to clarify it there and then. If there is an opportunity in the future, praise God for that. If not, praise God too =) The Lord Jesus Christ is my advocate, I needn’t do anything. He is on my side… but yet… aren’t we all on the same side? I don’t want judgement, if any, to be invoked. Oh Lord, please… by Your will, may You have grace and mercy on us. May You be gentle in your disciplining.

The old me (in the ancient blog that a few knew of), was very spiteful. Very ugly. Oh! How much I’ve changed since that. How much Daddy has changed me since then. You wouldn’t imagine the things I’d be capable of saying, the words I’d use.

Most ailments of the past 6 months seem to be gone. Knee is working fine, both soles are no longer hurting, heart and lungs seem to be working properly, I no longer get vertigo(if that’s what it was). I never knew what actually caused them. Other ailments still remain… Of these, I know the causes and remedy, but they require alot of discipline, obedience and faith to overcome. 

I’ve been waiting for alot of green lights. But all I see this past year are a kaleidoscope of colourful lights, much akin to a disco ball that’s nauseatingly flashing them in random motion. If this carries on I think I’d succumb to an epileptic seizure of sorts. I think the problem is that I’ve been ignoring the red lights, or even amber lights. Warnings telling me to slow down, or even stop. This world tells us to go forward, keep moving, to actually go ‘forward’, suceeed, progress. But in the Lord’s Kingdom, slowing down, and stopping, might actually mean moving forward.

Thank You for being amazing, Daddy =) Amen.